Sh*t We Didn't Care About This Week

Hai Sugars!  How you doin?  We hope everyone had as fantastic a week as we did.  Now let's get to the gossip!!

Prince William Turns 30
Kiki:  This really belongs under the shit we do care about category becuase this prince is some kind of wonderful.  Mmm hmm. 

JanJan: As a present to the future king, I'm going to send him a you-tube video of my best Marilyn Monroe 'Happy Birthday' rendition.  Kate won't mind.

Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis Breakup 
JanJan: She doesn't even marry the guy and she might get half his money?! Best Breakup EVER.

Kiki: First Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon break up, then Johnny and Vanessa.  It's almost like long-term relationships without real committment don't work!  I'm shocked!

Congress Holds AG Holder In Comtempt of Congress
Kiki: My favorite part of this is that an ATF operation was named after a shitty Vin Diesel movie that spawned 900 equally shitty sequels. 

JanJan: Pretty certain our AG needs a refresher on what 'separation of powers' means - specifically, not that the branches don't have to talk to each other.

Rielle Hunger Writes a Book
JanJan: She wants her child to know where she came from? An affair with a married man whose wife would later pass away from cancer? Let's all chip in for little hunter's therapy fund now.

Kiki: Rielle, NO ONE CARES if your love with "Johnny" was a true, spiritual, seventh plane of zen love.  Seriously.  No. one. cares. 

SCOTUS Doesn't Rule on Obamacare
Kiki: Yet another week went by where Prince Harry didn't fall in love with me...and that's just as newsworthy.  Call me when something happens.

JanJan: I'm pretty sure Roberts and the gang have the opinion written and are just giggling in their chambers because they can make people wait.

Keep cool sugars! 

Sh*t We Didn't Care About This Week

Hai Sugars!  It's been a beautiful week weather and gossip-wise so let's get to it!

Miley Cyrus Gets Engaged
JanJan: I give it 6 months.

Kiki: She didn't even get Thor, the good brother.  Basically she's marrying Loki.  (Nerd alert, I know)

Shawn Johnson Retires
Kiki: I'll start caring about Team USA gymnastics when the Olympics stars, I'll vaguely recall their names during the Olympics and as soon as China inevitably beats them, Imma forget.

JanJan:  She didn't retire already?

John Mayer Complains About Taylor Swift's Song "Dear John"
JanJan: A little late to the pity party buddy. That song came out eons ago.

Kiki:  You said Jessica Simpson was "sexual napalm" to the world but you're pissed that Taylor Swift wrote a song about you?  I just wrote a song about you, sung to the tune of Bitch by Meredith Brooks, called "Dick."

Wisconsin Recall Fail
Kiki:  Hey Wisconsin, take a page from the book of activism in the Great State of Ohio: you's gots to strike when the iron is hot.  This is further proof that Ohio is better than you.
 

JanJan:  Guess the Wisconsites weren't quite ready to "pack" Scott Walker up. ;-)

Have a good weekend now!

Sh*t We Didn't Care About This Week

Hey Sugars!  Are you looking forward to the long weekend as much as we are?  Let's hit the gossip so we can hit the pool!

The Queen's Underwear For Sale on Ebay
JanJan: I'm going to throw a pair of my panties up on Ebay and market them as Duchess Kate panties.  Moneymaking scheme.

Kiki: Isn't rule #1 of buying secondhand clothes that you never buy used underwear?  Unless it's Elvis.  I'd take all the money out of my IRA for a pair of those.

Facebook IPO Fail
Kiki: OMG people lie to make more money in the stock market!?  UNPOSSIBLE!!! 

JanJan: Because purchasing stock in a company whose success rests entirely in the hands of a man with no moral scruples is always a good idea. I saw the Social Network. I know things.

Reagan's Dried Blood Residue For Sale
JanJan: WHERE IS MY CREDIT CARD?

Kiki: OK, this vampire thing has officially gone too far.

Baby Put in Washing Machine During A Game of Peek-a-Boo
Kiki:  Maybe the kid sassed the babysitter and this is New Jersey's version of washing a mouth out with soap? 

JanJan: I can see the lawyers salivating now over who gets o draft Maytag's 'peekaboo' warning label that must now be adhered to every washer.

American Idol Finale
JanJan: People still watch that show?

Kiki: While I'm forever grateful to American Idol for Kelly Clarkson, I couldn't name the last five winners and any hits they've had.  Let's just all move on, shall we?

Jilted Fiancé Suing Ex Who Cancelled Wedding
Kiki: You stay classy.

JanJan: Nothing says 'I'm over you,' like a lawsuit.

HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND SUGARS!!!!  

Sh*t We Didn't Care About This Week

My week in review consists of looking after my eight year old puppy as he recovered from bladder stone surgery, but apparently other things went on in the world this week, so let's take a look! 

Kourtney Kardashian's Baby Shower
JanJan: Wait, Kris had sushi at Kourt's baby shower?  Pretty sure raw fish is a no-no for mamas to be. Clearly, this is a sham pregnancy to make money.

Kiki: How effing greedy are these people?!   This is her second child--you're not supposed to have a shower for your second child.  I get that this one is a girl and she only has boy things but this family just signed a $40 million dollar deal with E!.  Surely that can pay for a few pink onesies! 

Cellphones Allowed on Virgin Atlantic
Kiki: Calm down people.  The truth is if the Founding Fathers had cellphones, surely they would have included the right to text and Facebook from one's iPhone in the Bill of Rights.  We should be thanking Virgin Atlantic for being patriots!

JanJan: This means nothing to me unless calling Roche Salon to see if Chelsea is available for a cut and blow out constitutes an 'exceptional circumstance.'

JP Morgan Loses Billions of Dollars
JanJan: OMG THE MARKET IS RISKY?! WHY DIDN'T SOMEONE TELL ME?!

Kiki: And this is why I keep my money under my mattress.  Oh shoot secret's out...umm...don't rob me, ok?

Facebook IPO
Kiki: I still don't get how a bunch of status updates are worth so much.  Except for mine--that's solid gold comedy there.  I should get a cut of the profits.

JanJan: I totally picked the wrong field.

Have a good weekend sugars!  

Sh*t We Didn't Care About This Week

Hey sugars!  Hope your weeks went as well as ours (ours included a study date where we watched Lifetime Movie Network for several hours so beat that)! Let's get to the week in review, shall we?  

Rosie O'Donnell and Lindsay Lohan

JanJan:  "Waaaaaah my name is Lindsey Looooohan and only God can judge me.  Focus on your own career."  DUI's were a career choice?!  I need to call every person I ever waited tables with!  They're moguls!!  

Kiki: Did I inadvertently go back in time in the DeLorean to 1998 where Rosie O'Donnell is relevant and Lindsay Lohan is an "actor"?  Who cares about what either person has to say!  

Supreme Court Arguments Over Arizona Immigration Law

Kiki:Who are the people who stand outside the Supreme Court with signs rooting for one position or another?  Oh yeah, that's totally going to sway the court.  News flash: cases aren't decided by Applause-O-Meter, so your crowd is pretty basically worthless.  By the way, don't you people have jobs?! Go to work! 

JanJan: Oral arguments don't make law.  Written decisions make law.  Until it's on paper, and in the US Reporter, the Supreme Court hasn't ruled.

Mad Cow Disease

JanJan: So a cow on the West Coast showed signs of mad cow disease.  I'm on the East Coast.  Unless that cow is on the red-eye to National Airport, I'm still eating my ribeye.  With pleasure. 

Kiki: I'm a vegetarian.  Not only do I not care, I also get to gloat.  Muahaha! 

NFL Draft

Kiki: After the first round, it's all about politics, not talent.  Why does this have to take over my weekend?  Just remember for every Cam Newton, there's also a Tim Couch.  Let's all calm down shall we?  

JanJan: Are they married to a Kardashian and moving said Kardashian to my city?  No?  Well then, nap time.

John Edwards Trial  

JanJan: A politician who kept a prostitute???!! NO!  SAY IT AIN'T SO!! 

Kiki: A politician who committed a campaign finance crime?!  QUICK GET MY SMELLING SALTS!  Come on people, stop giving the narcissist attention!  It's what he wants!  

Have a good weekend sugars, and a very Happy 30th Birthday to JanJan's hubbie! 

Sh*t We Didn't Care About This Week

We here at Oh Sugar Please are pleased to bring you a new weekly feature--the week in review, otherwise known as "Shit We DIdn't Care About This Week" where we offer our unique take on overhyped news stories of the week.  Let's get to it shall we?!

Brangelina Got Engaged
JanJan: Looks like its about time for Brad to do another movie with a hot actress, fall in love with her, cheat on Angelina and divorce her.  #TeamAnistonForever

Kiki: This is the most anticlimactic news I've heard since Kim Kardashian announced she was getting divorced.  The only engagement news I care about is Prince Harry because that means I need to call off my elaborate plot to make him fall in love with me.

The Space Shuttle Discovery Landed at Dulles
Kiki: I don't get what is so special about watching a space shuttle on top of an airplane flying Ace and Gary style over the National Mall.  Plus the last time I saw people standing on rooftops looking at spaceships was the movie Independence Day and that activity did not end well for those people.

JanJan: At first I thought this was the real discovery flying by itself and I thought, oh, that's cool.  When I found out it was actually more like some hooptie trailer hitched to a 1990 Ford pick up, I lost interest.

Pippa Middelton's Friend Had a Toy Gun
JanJan:  "Wah.  I am le French paparazzi and a reeech boy waved a toy gun at me.  Wah."  Buck up.  In America, we brandish real weapons.  P.S. Who makes that toy gun?  I want to buy it.  Pippa touched it.

Kiki: How is this even a news story?  You couldn't see her slammin hiney in any of the pictures. 

The Secret Service Got Busted In Columbia
Kiki: Oooo a bunch of agents went to Columbia and hired prostitutes.  So in other words they just went to Columbia...excuse me if I don't faint when it comes out that blow was involved. 

JanJan: Damn.  I missed out when I skipped that booth on career day. 

Have a good weekend now sugars!