In a city like DC, dealing with a pedestrians is a given. Everyone, everywhere, is walking somewhere- whether it's to lunch, work, brunch, brinner, the gym, coffee-networking dates or happy hour. And 99% percent of the time, everyone moves along just like they should.
But then there's always that 1%. Yes, my friends. The lollygagging pedestrians. They are the true 1%.
They always pop up among the rest of us and clearly, they have no place there. Take, for example, the exiting the metro in the morning pedestrian. Everyone is hustling booty to get to the coffee shop in time before their morning meeting. But then that 1% pops up, ruining things for the rest of us, acting like they don't have to be bothered by the fact that it's 8:28 am. No, no, they casually stroll to the escalator, blocking the way with their rolling laptop bag (god forbid they CARRY a bag).
Consider also the 1% street pedestrian. This pedestrian idly crosses the crosswalk when the numbers are flashing red and counting down in single digits. He's usually on his cell phone, but don't worry, he's using the headphone/mic to tell his bros he'll be late to happy hour and to save him the hottest skank. Guess what, a-hole, I'm trying to make a right hand turn on red and your man-sachtel is in my way.
So I say down with the 1%! The TRUE 1% that is. No longer should we be saddled with the idle, lazy on Sunday walkers. No longer should 99% if the sidewalk space be laden with slow-movers. Move it or move to Montana.
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