J-Walkers...J-Makin Me Crazy!

If you've had the privilege of being near me on a public street, you've probably heard me muttering.  Yes I'm crazy anyway, but you all are doing something that is really pissing me off: you're jaywalking like morons. 

I'm a proud graduate of THE Ohio State University and I like to say that as a Buckeye, we all are double majors.  We major in whatever it is we're studying, and we're all forced to major in jaywalking.  We Buckeyes have it down to a science.  So let me drop some Scarlet and Gray knowledge on you.

If you are inclined to jaywalk, judge your decision to go based off of cars you see on the road, not other people crossing the road out of turn.  Those people, like me, have probably timed their walk to the on-coming cars, but that judgment happened about two seconds before you decided to go.  Guess what, those two seconds are the difference between crossing the street without bothering other drivers and being dead.  If you judge your jaywalk off of other people, you will die.  Or wish you were dead, because if it's me driving, I'm honking my horn at you and in all likelihood flipping you the bird.  I know if you see me jaywalk you probably want to follow, because hey it's me, I'd follow me, but spare us all some unpleasantness and just admire from afar. 

Also, before you jaywalk make sure there isn't something going on like a left-turn signal that you're walking in front of.  If you don't, then you could be taking away someone's golden opportunity to turn left in rush hour, which can sometimes be impossible, and that someone might then fantasize about barreling you over with her Jetta. 

Finally, if you are caught in a situation where you're face to bumper with a car, don't turn back, just keep going.  You turning around to from whence you came means that everyone's time has been wasted.  The driver's, yours and mine.  Just go. 

So please be conscious of your surroundings when you jaywalk because you're really making me insane. 

How I Spent My Summer Vacation: The VA Bar Exam, Vol. I

Legally Blonde was the single most misleading movie about the legal profession ever. Not only did NONE of my female professors frequent my nail salon, but graduation day was not the glorious celebration it was portrayed as (recall Elle's squeaky "we did it!").

Graduation day for me, and for most law students meant one thing. The Bar Exam was coming up Fast. And Furious.

Bar prep classes "officially" started just a few days after graduation. However, there were advance assignments to be done. And being the perpetually nervous law student I am (was? That's weird), I did them. After all, THAT COULD BE THE ONE PIECE OF INFORMATION I RETAIN ON THE BAR.

And so summer began, and my schedule ran as such: work all day in downtown DC, fight traffic out of the city to make a 6 pm lecture that would run anywhere from 3.5 to 4 hours on the regular. Home around 10:15 to pack my lunch and dinner for the next day ( which I affectionately began referring to as my feed bag) and to pass out. This went Monday to Friday. I spent Saturdays and Sundays in my apartment, diligently making neon colored flashcards and doing practice questions.

In sum, I did not see the sun. I look like a character out of Twilight, without the inexplicable body sparkle.

When I finally did take time off work to study, my days were marked with routine precision (up at the same time, review, practice questions, repeat, until I could take no more). I'm fairly certain I wore the same pair of yoga pants for 5 days in a row.

Sleep was a struggle, especially as the Big Two Days grew nearer. I woke myself up thinking about perfecting appeals, the elements of larceny (pleasant) and who prevails in a race notice jurisdiction.

Before I knew it, it was July 23rd. My suit was packed up and I was headed to Roanoke, VA.....

Bar Prep Has Taken Over

Hai Sugars,

Just wanted to let you know we haven't forgotten about you!  JanJan is in the final week of Bar Prep (so everyone wish her luck!) and Kiki is living the big law life for a few more weeks. 

We'll be back in August to discuss the following: J-walking, festival goers, Game of Thrones, people who stand too close, tourists, dating, weddings, tight clothing, shopping, and much much more. 

Xoxo,

Oh Sugar Please

AHEM! My Eyes Are Up Here

Ladies, I anticipate that many of you will be able to commiserate with me on this. It seems that no matter where I am - work, the grocery store, yoga class whatever - some man is staring at my chest.

Before you get the wrong idea, that I walk around alway with the ladies just hanging out for the world to see, let me reassure you. I don't. I make it point, whether because it was ingrained in me by my mother, the nuns at my Catholic girls' school, or both, to keep my chest covered. Understandably, there will be a few times when a little more cleavage is appropriate, necessary or unavoidable.

Still, it baffles me when I'll be wearing a button up oxford shirt, and the man I'm talking to periodically glances down at chest. I've racked my brain trying to think up explanations for this:

Maybe, he's like the kid from the movie Big. Even though he's in an adults body, he's really just a boy who is still just learning about these. Maybe I should check his briefcase for lunchables and send a PI to his apartment to see if it's filled with video games and a bunk bed, just to confirm.

Maybe, someone told him that boobs are like leprechauns in that they have magical powers and if you catch them doing their magic at just the right time, you get a pot of gold.

Maybe he's worried they'll disappear. After all, it is 2012. Armageddon is upon us and the world could open up at any moment and swallow all the boobs.

Whatever the reason you're looking at my chest, and everyone other woman's chest, guys - I'm pleading with you to stop. It's creepy.

Things I Don't Understand: Self-Serve Coffee

I'm a busy girl.  More often than not, when I'm getting ready in the morning, I don't have time to make my own coffee.  Yes I have both a regular coffee maker and a single-serve hot beverage system, but I would rather take the two minutes it would take to make one cup of coffee and either 1) sleep or 2) have a Britney Jean Spears Dance Party while I'm getting ready.  I also like buying coffee in the city on my way to work.  It makes me feel really cool and like a grown-up (a grown-up who thirty minutes prior danced around not fully dressed to Baby One More Time, but an adult nonetheless).

Here's where we get to the part I don't understand.  So a lot of places I frequent have self-serve coffee.  In theory, you get your coffee faster and you get to fill it just so, so you can make the perfect mix with milk (or half-and-half which I love) and sugar (which I don't add, but if you do, more power to you).  What I don't get is what takes people so flippin long to mix their effing coffee drinks!  It's three ingredients at most: coffee, milk and sugar.  Why are you standing there for five minutes stirring to perfection like some chemist whose concoction may explode if it's not done JUST. RIGHT.  It's coffee people.  Fill it up, mix the goods, and get on with your day.  It should take about 45 seconds.

Seriously people, you're crowding the coffee station, you're keeping me from my precious stay awake juice and you're annoying the crap out of me at 8am.  STOP IT.    

Sh*t We Didn't Care About This Week

Hai Sugars!  How you doin?  We hope everyone had as fantastic a week as we did.  Now let's get to the gossip!!

Prince William Turns 30
Kiki:  This really belongs under the shit we do care about category becuase this prince is some kind of wonderful.  Mmm hmm. 

JanJan: As a present to the future king, I'm going to send him a you-tube video of my best Marilyn Monroe 'Happy Birthday' rendition.  Kate won't mind.

Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis Breakup 
JanJan: She doesn't even marry the guy and she might get half his money?! Best Breakup EVER.

Kiki: First Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon break up, then Johnny and Vanessa.  It's almost like long-term relationships without real committment don't work!  I'm shocked!

Congress Holds AG Holder In Comtempt of Congress
Kiki: My favorite part of this is that an ATF operation was named after a shitty Vin Diesel movie that spawned 900 equally shitty sequels. 

JanJan: Pretty certain our AG needs a refresher on what 'separation of powers' means - specifically, not that the branches don't have to talk to each other.

Rielle Hunger Writes a Book
JanJan: She wants her child to know where she came from? An affair with a married man whose wife would later pass away from cancer? Let's all chip in for little hunter's therapy fund now.

Kiki: Rielle, NO ONE CARES if your love with "Johnny" was a true, spiritual, seventh plane of zen love.  Seriously.  No. one. cares. 

SCOTUS Doesn't Rule on Obamacare
Kiki: Yet another week went by where Prince Harry didn't fall in love with me...and that's just as newsworthy.  Call me when something happens.

JanJan: I'm pretty sure Roberts and the gang have the opinion written and are just giggling in their chambers because they can make people wait.

Keep cool sugars! 

It's Warm Outside? I Feel Shocked.

In case you haven't heard, it's hot outside.  Umm...so what?  Why is this all anyone can talk about?  Why are people surprised, IT'S EFFING SUMMER.  It's supposed to be hot in the summer!!  If it was snowing, THEN there would be something to talk about.  But heat?  Come on people.   

This is Washington, DC.  It is known* that DC is built on a swamp.  Now I'm no ecologist but my understanding, based almost primarily on the scene in the Fire Swamp in The Princess Bride, is that swamps are hot, sticky, unpleasant places with rodents of unusual size.  DC's swampiness is a staple of living here, just like tourists, douchebags and monuments.  I don't hear people express surprise at the fact that there are tourists roaming the city.  I don't hear people exclaim, "There are douchebags here?!"  On our morning commute, JanJan and I don't say, "Hey look!  The Washington Monument is out today."  So why is everyone in shock that it's hot?  

I remember from an anthropology class I took about seven years ago that humans as a species are adapted to warm weather.  The professor said, "If you had a choice between being in a frozen tundra for three days without supplies (or a jacket) or being in a hot climate for three days without supplies, which do you think you would survive?"  We'd survive the heat, because that's what our bodies are built for.  We'd get frostbite and die pretty quickly in the cold--much faster than we would in the heat.  My point is we should be excited it's this hot outside because that's what our bodies want!  It's evolution man!  

So please, can we all just cool down the heat talk, find a patio, drink some iced tea or lemonade or beer or whatever, have a popsicle and be grateful there isn't a 24" pile of snow outside?  Thanks.    

*Yes this is a Game of Thrones reference.  I'm a nerd.