If you've had the privilege of being near me on a public street, you've probably heard me muttering. Yes I'm crazy anyway, but you all are doing something that is really pissing me off: you're jaywalking like morons.
I'm a proud graduate of THE Ohio State University and I like to say that as a Buckeye, we all are double majors. We major in whatever it is we're studying, and we're all forced to major in jaywalking. We Buckeyes have it down to a science. So let me drop some Scarlet and Gray knowledge on you.
If you are inclined to jaywalk, judge your decision to go based off of cars you see on the road, not other people crossing the road out of turn. Those people, like me, have probably timed their walk to the on-coming cars, but that judgment happened about two seconds before you decided to go. Guess what, those two seconds are the difference between crossing the street without bothering other drivers and being dead. If you judge your jaywalk off of other people, you will die. Or wish you were dead, because if it's me driving, I'm honking my horn at you and in all likelihood flipping you the bird. I know if you see me jaywalk you probably want to follow, because hey it's me, I'd follow me, but spare us all some unpleasantness and just admire from afar.
Also, before you jaywalk make sure there isn't something going on like a left-turn signal that you're walking in front of. If you don't, then you could be taking away someone's golden opportunity to turn left in rush hour, which can sometimes be impossible, and that someone might then fantasize about barreling you over with her Jetta.
Finally, if you are caught in a situation where you're face to bumper with a car, don't turn back, just keep going. You turning around to from whence you came means that everyone's time has been wasted. The driver's, yours and mine. Just go.
So please be conscious of your surroundings when you jaywalk because you're really making me insane.
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