Rules of the Road for Roommate Living

Inspired by the parable of Craigslist and the Untruthful Canadian, I decided to craft my own rules for the road for roommate living.  Living with roommates is almost a necessity and, in some respects, a rite of passage in your twenties (cue the Friends theme music). Sometimes you hit the roommate jackpot and sometimes, well, you're lucky to get out alive.  

1.  Don't be a storage hog.  

In D.C., you're often compromising on square footage to live closer in to work (and play).  For some people, sharing space is very natural and comes easily but not so much for others.  Bottom line, if there's empty storage space in the apartment, don't assume that gives you free license to grocery shop for one at Costco every other week.  Leave some room for everyone else.  

2.  Our place is not your boyfriend's place too. 

Look, as reasonable people, I know we're all totally cool with your boyfriend coming over to hang out.  And hey, maybe he's a cool guy and we like him.  But when your boyfriend is (a) not of legal age to drink and (b) throws a party while we're not home with all his underage friends who (c) park in the parking spot that I pay for, that's where we're going to run into a problem.  

3.  A roommate is not a live in petsitter.  

As an animal lover, I'm super excited to have a dog running around.  But don't assume that because I occasionally get home from work first, that means I'll be taking on puppy walking duties in the afternoon.  If you need dog walking help, get a dog walker.  And if you're going on vacation, board your dog.  There's a reason I don't have a dog.  I don't have time for one.  

4.  If you want to be responsible for the cable bill, be responsible. 

I have no problem with putting the cable bill in your name.  But you need to have control over that, have control.  Don't email me because you forgot about the direct withdraw from your account for three months and then tell me what I owe you AND that you need that money in less than 24 hours.  I don't respond well to that.  

5.  Respect space (and privacy).  

This, one would think, would be common sense but apparently it is not for all.  When I'm on the phone, chatting with whomever (my mom, my friends, my dentist) I don't need your loud and overly boisterous commentary on my end of the conversation.  You don't need to comment on what I'm saying.  

6.  Don't be a takeout hog.  

I'm one of these people who really hates to dicker over bills.  So usually, I like to go back and forth with paying for takeout.  I'll get it tonight, you get it next week, no big deal.  On the weeks I pay, do not also order your lunch, snack AND dinner for the next day just because I'm paying.  Takeout hog.  

7.  Just because you're louder doesn't mean you're right.

I recognize that we may differ from time to time on some opinions.  And that's ok, I'm really cool with that.  But raising the level of your voice does not make you right.  Nor does citing "some people" as your source.  Who are these people? The people in your head?  

8.  If you're going to borrow clothes, give them back. 

I love sharing clothes with roommates, it can be fun to have 3 different wardrobes to choose from.  But if you spill ink on my work pants that you borrowed (first, why are you borrowing work pants, that's VERY different from borrowing a cute going out shirt) I expect that you'll take care of the situation and give them back.  

9.  Passive aggressiveness is for sissies. 

If you have a problem, tell me.  Don't leave me a post it note.  Or casually leave things around the apartment.  Or decide not to say anything for months until you blow up over something minuscule.  Be an adult, put on your big girl panties and deal with it.  

10.  Keep your judgment to yourself.  

If you clearly have different ideas, like what is an appropriate amount to spend on an item, judgmental comments ("I would never spend X on an Y") will get you nowhere.