Remember about ten years ago a little program premiered called I Love the 80s? Remember how funny and original it was? If you don't remember (or if you aren't American (though there was a British version so no excuses you Brits) or if you didn't have cable) I Love the 80s was a tv show where for an hour a year in the 1980s was profiled. So for instance, for the year 1981, comedians, 1980s pop culture figures and others would crack jokes about things like Rick Springfield, the Royal Wedding, the DeLorean and Bosom Buddies.
So I Love the 80s was funny and we all laughed and had a good time. So naturally what came next? I Love the 90s because who doesn't want to reminisce about NKOTB and MC Hammer and Ren and Stimpy? Those things were hilarious.
Oh wait what happened next? Best Year Ever--an end of the year special making fun of all the silly trends and songs and movies we loved that year. Because we can't just do this program once a year, Best Week Ever came into existence. Because apparently this format of seeing clips of things that are funny then having no-named comedians and pop culture figures who can't find work anymore comment on them is a successful model. I mean I Love the New Millennium premiered before the decade was up.
In the meantime, every other channel decided to copy this formula. Now you can't watch a countdown without a group of C, D, and E-listers commenting on it. It's gotten so bad that you can't even watch a music countdown anymore without these asshat clowns making unfunny jokes. I just want to watch the music videos. Wouldn't that be cheaper for the network to produce? I don't need the extraneous garbage.
Can we please just simplify and let me watch a countdown of the best of 80s hair bands in peace? We owe Bret Michaels that.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Monday, June 11, 2012
Are you good lookin?
I am one good lookin' son-of-a-gun. I mean it. Sometimes I catch myself checking myself out. Like, if I'm driving, I'll periodically flip down the visor just to admire how well my square framed sunglasses complement my cheekbones. On a sunny day, I like to admire how naturally multi-tonal my hair can be when it catches the light just so. Really, at any given moment with a mirror nearby, you might catch me checking out my hiney (depending on how slammin' it is on that particular day). Sometimes when I'm putting my makeup on (we all need a little help), I love how green my eyes can be with just the right eye liner/eye shadow/mascara combination.
By now, you're either gagging or you think I'm singularly the most vain person you've ever encountered (short of maybe, Kim Kardashian).
Am I vain? Maybe. I prefer to call it confident. And quite frankly, I wasn't always this confident (and even now, my confidence isn't running on all 8 cylinders all the time).
Look, we all have our down days. We all have those people in our lives who exist for no other reason than to do their best to make us feel bad about ourselves. There was one guy, a few years ago, right before I met my husband, who after I broke up with him decided that spending an evening with his besties going through my Facebook photos and commenting on exactly how much weight they thought I had gained would be good post break up therapy (Ladies: don't ever let guys tell you that we're the only catty people. They are just as catty as we are. Proof positive). This would have all been well and good (and normal, post-break up activity), had I never found out about it when I received a text message that DEFINITELY was not meant to be sent to me. I was embarrassed, outraged and hurt. And worst of all, my confidence was destroyed.
I had two options with this. I could either (1) let it eat me alive and totally wreck my whole persona or (2) move on, forget it and live my life. I chose option 2.
So maybe I'm vain. Or maybe, it's just my daily affirmations. My daily way of reminding myself that I'm beautiful. Does that hurt anyone? Not in my book.
I think everyone should have these daily affirmations. Find things that you like about yourself and focus on those, instead of focusing on what you hate about yourself (and believe me, there's plenty of that I could focus on if I wanted to). I think when you focus on what you like about yourself, you actually take better care of yourself overall because you're more inspired to keep what you like, well, there.
What's your daily affirmation?
By now, you're either gagging or you think I'm singularly the most vain person you've ever encountered (short of maybe, Kim Kardashian).
Am I vain? Maybe. I prefer to call it confident. And quite frankly, I wasn't always this confident (and even now, my confidence isn't running on all 8 cylinders all the time).
Look, we all have our down days. We all have those people in our lives who exist for no other reason than to do their best to make us feel bad about ourselves. There was one guy, a few years ago, right before I met my husband, who after I broke up with him decided that spending an evening with his besties going through my Facebook photos and commenting on exactly how much weight they thought I had gained would be good post break up therapy (Ladies: don't ever let guys tell you that we're the only catty people. They are just as catty as we are. Proof positive). This would have all been well and good (and normal, post-break up activity), had I never found out about it when I received a text message that DEFINITELY was not meant to be sent to me. I was embarrassed, outraged and hurt. And worst of all, my confidence was destroyed.
I had two options with this. I could either (1) let it eat me alive and totally wreck my whole persona or (2) move on, forget it and live my life. I chose option 2.
So maybe I'm vain. Or maybe, it's just my daily affirmations. My daily way of reminding myself that I'm beautiful. Does that hurt anyone? Not in my book.
I think everyone should have these daily affirmations. Find things that you like about yourself and focus on those, instead of focusing on what you hate about yourself (and believe me, there's plenty of that I could focus on if I wanted to). I think when you focus on what you like about yourself, you actually take better care of yourself overall because you're more inspired to keep what you like, well, there.
What's your daily affirmation?
Friday, June 8, 2012
Sh*t We Didn't Care About This Week
Hai Sugars! It's been a beautiful week weather and gossip-wise so let's get to it!
Miley Cyrus Gets Engaged
JanJan: I give it 6 months.
Kiki: She didn't even get Thor, the good brother. Basically she's marrying Loki. (Nerd alert, I know)
Shawn Johnson Retires
Kiki: I'll start caring about Team USA gymnastics when the Olympics stars, I'll vaguely recall their names during the Olympics and as soon as China inevitably beats them, Imma forget.
JanJan: She didn't retire already?
John Mayer Complains About Taylor Swift's Song "Dear John"
JanJan: A little late to the pity party buddy. That song came out eons ago.
Kiki: You said Jessica Simpson was "sexual napalm" to the world but you're pissed that Taylor Swift wrote a song about you? I just wrote a song about you, sung to the tune of Bitch by Meredith Brooks, called "Dick."
Wisconsin Recall Fail
Kiki: Hey Wisconsin, take a page from the book of activism in the Great State of Ohio: you's gots to strike when the iron is hot. This is further proof that Ohio is better than you.
JanJan: Guess the Wisconsites weren't quite ready to "pack" Scott Walker up. ;-)
Have a good weekend now!
Miley Cyrus Gets Engaged
JanJan: I give it 6 months.
Kiki: She didn't even get Thor, the good brother. Basically she's marrying Loki. (Nerd alert, I know)
Shawn Johnson Retires
Kiki: I'll start caring about Team USA gymnastics when the Olympics stars, I'll vaguely recall their names during the Olympics and as soon as China inevitably beats them, Imma forget.
JanJan: She didn't retire already?
John Mayer Complains About Taylor Swift's Song "Dear John"
JanJan: A little late to the pity party buddy. That song came out eons ago.
Kiki: You said Jessica Simpson was "sexual napalm" to the world but you're pissed that Taylor Swift wrote a song about you? I just wrote a song about you, sung to the tune of Bitch by Meredith Brooks, called "Dick."
Wisconsin Recall Fail
Kiki: Hey Wisconsin, take a page from the book of activism in the Great State of Ohio: you's gots to strike when the iron is hot. This is further proof that Ohio is better than you.
JanJan: Guess the Wisconsites weren't quite ready to "pack" Scott Walker up. ;-)
Have a good weekend now!
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Why I Try Not to Sweat the Small Stuff
For a little change of pace, I'm writing a positive blog entry today (I know, try not to fall off your chair in shock). Of course, being me, it comes from being annoyed, but I promise if you stick with me, you'll get to the good part.
Recently I've been exposed to people who sweat small stuff which annoys the shit out of me. My philosophy is that life is serious and hard and complicated. We don't need to make it more serious, hard or complicated through anxiety or making mountains out of molehills. I've had a few life lessons that have contributed to that philosophy, but my greatest teacher in life so far has been this guy:
This is my nephew. My nephew is my hero, my inspiration, and the person who keeps a smile on my face no matter what is going on in my life. When my sister-in-law was pregnant with this little man, she and my brother were told there was no chance he would survive gestation because he had no amniotic fluid. Despite those odds, my brother and sister-in-law's faith sustained him and he survived. He (and his twin sister, my darling niece) was born three months early and within his first few months he had blood transfusions, heart surgery, eye surgery, and foot surgery. He had lung issues and was on oxygen for over a year. He had two club feet, his hips were dislocated and he had hernias--all of which required surgery. The mountains of problems this sweet little baby faced seemed insurmountable.
He faced each of these challenges with a smile on his face. No matter how uncomfortable he must have been, or how much pain he probably was in, his spirit always soared. Even now as he learns how to walk, speak and do all the things toddlers do, he always has a sweet smile on his face and a song to sing (ok maybe it's LMFAO, but it's a song and it counts!).
Brynn teaches me every day that no challenge is too great to overcome, that no period is so dark that you can't be a little positive during it, and that all our petty differences with others, our frustrations with work or school, our little coughs and colds or whatever are no big deal. Life is made up of serious situations, but life only becomes serious when we stop smiling and laughing. He's taught me that feeling sorry for one's self is a learned behavior, it's not innate. If we all had even a fraction of Brynn's spirit, we'd complain a lot less and have a lot more fun, despite life's challenges. So let's give it our best, shall we?
Recently I've been exposed to people who sweat small stuff which annoys the shit out of me. My philosophy is that life is serious and hard and complicated. We don't need to make it more serious, hard or complicated through anxiety or making mountains out of molehills. I've had a few life lessons that have contributed to that philosophy, but my greatest teacher in life so far has been this guy:
This is my nephew. My nephew is my hero, my inspiration, and the person who keeps a smile on my face no matter what is going on in my life. When my sister-in-law was pregnant with this little man, she and my brother were told there was no chance he would survive gestation because he had no amniotic fluid. Despite those odds, my brother and sister-in-law's faith sustained him and he survived. He (and his twin sister, my darling niece) was born three months early and within his first few months he had blood transfusions, heart surgery, eye surgery, and foot surgery. He had lung issues and was on oxygen for over a year. He had two club feet, his hips were dislocated and he had hernias--all of which required surgery. The mountains of problems this sweet little baby faced seemed insurmountable.
He faced each of these challenges with a smile on his face. No matter how uncomfortable he must have been, or how much pain he probably was in, his spirit always soared. Even now as he learns how to walk, speak and do all the things toddlers do, he always has a sweet smile on his face and a song to sing (ok maybe it's LMFAO, but it's a song and it counts!).
Brynn teaches me every day that no challenge is too great to overcome, that no period is so dark that you can't be a little positive during it, and that all our petty differences with others, our frustrations with work or school, our little coughs and colds or whatever are no big deal. Life is made up of serious situations, but life only becomes serious when we stop smiling and laughing. He's taught me that feeling sorry for one's self is a learned behavior, it's not innate. If we all had even a fraction of Brynn's spirit, we'd complain a lot less and have a lot more fun, despite life's challenges. So let's give it our best, shall we?
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Hooker Heels and a Blazer Do Not an Attorney Make
Summer in Washington DC brings with it a flood of inexperienced interns, all set to trot their way around the city for a summer, set to waste people's time in their offices, go to happy hour and brag to their friends at home about they saw the President's motorcade.
Usually, the summer interns represent some of DC's worst dressed. Cocktail dresses and miniskirts on the ladies, boat shoes and wrinkled khakis on the gents. I didn't think anyone could surpass the summer intern inappropriate meter. Until, that is, I saw the soon to be attorney.
You see, I'm spending my summer studying for the bar exam which means that after work, I head out to school for the 6pm bar review lecture every night. Because other students from other schools are also studying at my location, i'm getting the opportunity to observe a whole new batch of people.
As I was walking into class the other night I saw a girl leaving the 2pm lecture (yes, it was 4 hours long) wearing hooker heels, a pencil skirt with a back slit up to her bottom and a blazer, none of which matched (not that that would've helped).
Honey, your cheap platform strappy heels, paired with everything else, make you look like a hooker and do nothing to convey an image of professionalism. If you want people to take you seriously as an attorney, you might not want them to think you're moonlighting ummm.......actually under the moonlight.
Buy some nice pumps, and a bigger skirt. Unless sleeping your way around the firm is on your bucket list.
Usually, the summer interns represent some of DC's worst dressed. Cocktail dresses and miniskirts on the ladies, boat shoes and wrinkled khakis on the gents. I didn't think anyone could surpass the summer intern inappropriate meter. Until, that is, I saw the soon to be attorney.
You see, I'm spending my summer studying for the bar exam which means that after work, I head out to school for the 6pm bar review lecture every night. Because other students from other schools are also studying at my location, i'm getting the opportunity to observe a whole new batch of people.
As I was walking into class the other night I saw a girl leaving the 2pm lecture (yes, it was 4 hours long) wearing hooker heels, a pencil skirt with a back slit up to her bottom and a blazer, none of which matched (not that that would've helped).
Honey, your cheap platform strappy heels, paired with everything else, make you look like a hooker and do nothing to convey an image of professionalism. If you want people to take you seriously as an attorney, you might not want them to think you're moonlighting ummm.......actually under the moonlight.
Buy some nice pumps, and a bigger skirt. Unless sleeping your way around the firm is on your bucket list.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
You Might Be an AHole...
If you're a child of the 90s like me, you remember Jeff Foxworthy's bit "You Might Be A Redneck." (If you think the last words to the Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen Start Your Engines"...you might be a redneck). I'm inspired by that line of thinking and have decided to start a little segment here on this blog called "You Might Be an A-Hole."
If you recline your seat on an airplane, bus, or train within 45 seconds of sitting down...you might be an ahole. I rarely recline my seat because I don't feel the difference in the few inches you get when you lean the chair back. I also find leaning back like that feels awkward on my back. So I don't get why people recline the seats--it doesn't make a difference to the person sitting in the reclined chair. But reclining your chair sure as shit makes a difference to the person sitting behind you. I'm 5'9" and that's mostly legs. If you take an inch away from me, that means my knees are directly in your lumbar and believe you me, I push back. If I can tell that you're under 5'5", I start to kick like a four year old (shocking, I know). You're short! You don't need the extra space! I do!!!
Here's the thing--let's just all recognize that airplane, train and bus travel is going to be uncomfortable. Deal with it unselfishly and don't lean back into me. Because if you do, you get the Oh Sugar Please Ahole Stamp.
If you recline your seat on an airplane, bus, or train within 45 seconds of sitting down...you might be an ahole. I rarely recline my seat because I don't feel the difference in the few inches you get when you lean the chair back. I also find leaning back like that feels awkward on my back. So I don't get why people recline the seats--it doesn't make a difference to the person sitting in the reclined chair. But reclining your chair sure as shit makes a difference to the person sitting behind you. I'm 5'9" and that's mostly legs. If you take an inch away from me, that means my knees are directly in your lumbar and believe you me, I push back. If I can tell that you're under 5'5", I start to kick like a four year old (shocking, I know). You're short! You don't need the extra space! I do!!!
Here's the thing--let's just all recognize that airplane, train and bus travel is going to be uncomfortable. Deal with it unselfishly and don't lean back into me. Because if you do, you get the Oh Sugar Please Ahole Stamp.
Monday, June 4, 2012
What Your Cocktail Says About You
You may not realize it, but your drink choice sends a message to your fellow revelers. Choose wisely, my sugahs:
White Wine:
Ordered by a girl: I'm nut crazy about maintaining my personal appearance. Red wine will stain my teeth and beers/mixed drinks will add unwanted ounces/pounds. My fridge is stocked solely with celery and lean cuisines (for splurging).
Order by a guy: I'm trying to get into White Wine Girl's pants.
Dirty Martini
Ordered by a girl: I am one confident, take no prisoners, make it or break it powerwoman. Get in my way and I'll stab you with my stiletto.
Ordered by a guy: I'm trying to get into Dirty Martini's Girl's pants.
Lite Beer:
Ordered by a girl: OMG I AM FINALLY 21!
Ordered by a guy: OMG I AM FINALLY 21! Dang. Lite Beer girl is hot.
Margarita
Ordered by a girl: SPLURGE NIGHT with my BESTIES!! My pants won't fit tomorrow.
Ordered by a guy: I'm trying to get into Margarita Girl's pants.
Bourbon
Ordered by a girl: Where's my derby hat? What? You mean it's not Derby Day?
Ordered by a guy: I'm going to watch MadMen after I get into Bourbon Girl's pants.
Lager
Ordered by a girl: I can drink you under the table.
Ordered by a guy: I'm trying to get into Lager Girl's pants. Or Bourbon, Margarita, Lite Beer, Dirty Martini or White Wine Girl. Really, any girl will do.
Diet Coke:
Ordered by a girl: Cough, Cough i'm sick.
Ordered by a guy: Girls? Who needs girls? I've got my mother.
White Wine:
Ordered by a girl: I'm nut crazy about maintaining my personal appearance. Red wine will stain my teeth and beers/mixed drinks will add unwanted ounces/pounds. My fridge is stocked solely with celery and lean cuisines (for splurging).
Order by a guy: I'm trying to get into White Wine Girl's pants.
Dirty Martini
Ordered by a girl: I am one confident, take no prisoners, make it or break it powerwoman. Get in my way and I'll stab you with my stiletto.
Ordered by a guy: I'm trying to get into Dirty Martini's Girl's pants.
Lite Beer:
Ordered by a girl: OMG I AM FINALLY 21!
Ordered by a guy: OMG I AM FINALLY 21! Dang. Lite Beer girl is hot.
Margarita
Ordered by a girl: SPLURGE NIGHT with my BESTIES!! My pants won't fit tomorrow.
Ordered by a guy: I'm trying to get into Margarita Girl's pants.
Bourbon
Ordered by a girl: Where's my derby hat? What? You mean it's not Derby Day?
Ordered by a guy: I'm going to watch MadMen after I get into Bourbon Girl's pants.
Lager
Ordered by a girl: I can drink you under the table.
Ordered by a guy: I'm trying to get into Lager Girl's pants. Or Bourbon, Margarita, Lite Beer, Dirty Martini or White Wine Girl. Really, any girl will do.
Diet Coke:
Ordered by a girl: Cough, Cough i'm sick.
Ordered by a guy: Girls? Who needs girls? I've got my mother.
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