Sugars, imma let you in on a little secret. The other week was the best week of my life. And no, it wasn't because Of the maj sale on cowboy boots I scored. It was Kids Week on Jeopardy, and it was glorious.
There is nothing, nothing more gratifying than Kids Week on Jeopardy. The questions/answers are ridiculously easy, making you feel like an intellectual genius ( hey, I just got an entire category right!!). Even better though, than dominating Jeopardy (for the one time in life) is getting to laugh at kids from the privacy of your own home when they say something ridiculously and completely illogical.
Don't judge. You know you do it too. When that little girl responded that Louis XIV's stomping ground ( to paraphrase) was the Louvre and not Versailles, it was simply amaze balls. And when a chunky kid responded that the "kids business headquartered at One Geoffrey Way" was Dunkin Donuts, and not Toys R Us (it's mascot being Geoffrey, the giraffe), I nearly snorted Riesling out my nose.
I got my come uppance the following week though. It was Masters Week on Jeopardy, and the contestants are answering the questions and onto the next before I'm even done reading the prompt. Whatever, nerds.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Monday, August 6, 2012
Michael Phelps is Great, Can I Hear About Something Else Now?
Maybe it's just that I have the attention span of a 5 year in the Times Square Toys R Us these days, but I'm a little tired of hearing how Michael Phelps is the most decorated Olympian of all time.
Look, I get it. The guy has a ton of medals, broke a record and that's crazy impressive. But last time I checked, NBC was supposed to be broadcasting the Olympics, not the "Michael Phelps Interview, Fawn, Dote and Adore Hour with opening acts by some other athletes that do stuff too."
Last night as I was watching a commentator interview the men's relay team, I was horrified as she asked one of MPhelps teammates about what Michael's legacy would. For real? The guy just won an Olympic medal himself and all you can ask him about is his teammate's legacy? Not, I don't know, the incredible teamwork that made that win possible? I would be pretty offended by a stunt like that (and not just because I have an ego the size of Texas).
I could use a little more coverage on Ryan Lochte (ladies, who doesn't want to see a little more prime time Lochte), or how about a nice one-on-one sit down with Gabby Douglas? How about the US womens' rowing 8? Maybe we could even snag someone in the less publicized sports and throw a little 15 minutes their way?
Look, we all know Michael Phelps is great and we probably have a slew of Subway commercials to look forward to. But right now, Michael Phelps coverage reminds me of Halloween, approximately 30 minutes after trick or treating. I've had my fill and I just want to go to bed.
Look, I get it. The guy has a ton of medals, broke a record and that's crazy impressive. But last time I checked, NBC was supposed to be broadcasting the Olympics, not the "Michael Phelps Interview, Fawn, Dote and Adore Hour with opening acts by some other athletes that do stuff too."
Last night as I was watching a commentator interview the men's relay team, I was horrified as she asked one of MPhelps teammates about what Michael's legacy would. For real? The guy just won an Olympic medal himself and all you can ask him about is his teammate's legacy? Not, I don't know, the incredible teamwork that made that win possible? I would be pretty offended by a stunt like that (and not just because I have an ego the size of Texas).
I could use a little more coverage on Ryan Lochte (ladies, who doesn't want to see a little more prime time Lochte), or how about a nice one-on-one sit down with Gabby Douglas? How about the US womens' rowing 8? Maybe we could even snag someone in the less publicized sports and throw a little 15 minutes their way?
Look, we all know Michael Phelps is great and we probably have a slew of Subway commercials to look forward to. But right now, Michael Phelps coverage reminds me of Halloween, approximately 30 minutes after trick or treating. I've had my fill and I just want to go to bed.
Thursday, August 2, 2012
I Don't Want To Be A Traitor To My Gender and All: Tunic Tops
Ladies, I can't believe we have to have this conversation, but here it goes. Tunic tops are not dresses. They're just long shirts. They need pants to go with them. Do I totally get the thrill of not wearing pants? Yes. My routine the past week when I've gotten home has been Olympics on, pants off. But that's in the privacy of my own home! Where I live alone!
I am shocked at the number of girls I see in the metro at 7:30am who forgot to put their pants on! Where are they going? Hopefully to the pants store to get some pants! I can't think of anywhere where going pantsless is an option, unless you're a stripper. If you're a stripper heading to work at 7:30am, then my guess is you're not a very good one if you get stuck with that shift. Even so, Team USA Gymnastics puts on pants as they go from event to event, so I feel like you could wear pants on your way to the strip club as well.
I just don't understand how a person can put on a top, see that it barely covers one's ass, and think, "Yes. This is my look for today, off I go." You're not Lady Gaga! If you're walking up the escalator in the metro and you have to use a newspaper to cover your rear end, as a girl a few days ago did in front of me, it's pretty clear to me you've forgotten your pants.
So ladies, repeat after me: If the shirt my ass doth bare, then pants I must wear.
I am shocked at the number of girls I see in the metro at 7:30am who forgot to put their pants on! Where are they going? Hopefully to the pants store to get some pants! I can't think of anywhere where going pantsless is an option, unless you're a stripper. If you're a stripper heading to work at 7:30am, then my guess is you're not a very good one if you get stuck with that shift. Even so, Team USA Gymnastics puts on pants as they go from event to event, so I feel like you could wear pants on your way to the strip club as well.
I just don't understand how a person can put on a top, see that it barely covers one's ass, and think, "Yes. This is my look for today, off I go." You're not Lady Gaga! If you're walking up the escalator in the metro and you have to use a newspaper to cover your rear end, as a girl a few days ago did in front of me, it's pretty clear to me you've forgotten your pants.
So ladies, repeat after me: If the shirt my ass doth bare, then pants I must wear.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
My Summer Olympic Games
In honor of Michael Phelps' officially becoming the most decorated Olympian of all time, I'd like to proffer the following proposed Olympic events for the IOC's consideration. I'm pretty sure I could quickly surpass Phelps' record in all these events:
Salsa Eating: It is obscene how much salsa I can take down. I've got the chip to salsa ratio down, so that I can maximize salsa intake while minimizing chip intake.
Napping: I've been known to tell my friends/roommates/husband that I'm just laying down for twenty minutes, only to wake up 3 hours later, twisted in the blankets and confused where I am. Beat that, Misty May Treanor.
Bravo Watching: I have logged an insane amount of hours watching Bravo TV. I remember RHOC when Jeana Keough was on, and RHONY when Bethenny and Jill were besties. Pretty sure Ryan Lochte can't say that.
Online Shopping: I have online shopping down to a fine art. In fact, I think it's safe to say I haven't been in a store just to browse in probably 8 months. I hit RueLaLa at 11, Gilt at 12 and browse the websites of my favorites stores whenever need be. All while in my yoga pants and on the couch - where my dog doesn't judge me.
Salsa Eating: It is obscene how much salsa I can take down. I've got the chip to salsa ratio down, so that I can maximize salsa intake while minimizing chip intake.
Napping: I've been known to tell my friends/roommates/husband that I'm just laying down for twenty minutes, only to wake up 3 hours later, twisted in the blankets and confused where I am. Beat that, Misty May Treanor.
Bravo Watching: I have logged an insane amount of hours watching Bravo TV. I remember RHOC when Jeana Keough was on, and RHONY when Bethenny and Jill were besties. Pretty sure Ryan Lochte can't say that.
Online Shopping: I have online shopping down to a fine art. In fact, I think it's safe to say I haven't been in a store just to browse in probably 8 months. I hit RueLaLa at 11, Gilt at 12 and browse the websites of my favorites stores whenever need be. All while in my yoga pants and on the couch - where my dog doesn't judge me.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
J-Walkers...J-Makin Me Crazy!
If you've had the privilege of being near me on a public street, you've probably heard me muttering. Yes I'm crazy anyway, but you all are doing something that is really pissing me off: you're jaywalking like morons.
I'm a proud graduate of THE Ohio State University and I like to say that as a Buckeye, we all are double majors. We major in whatever it is we're studying, and we're all forced to major in jaywalking. We Buckeyes have it down to a science. So let me drop some Scarlet and Gray knowledge on you.
If you are inclined to jaywalk, judge your decision to go based off of cars you see on the road, not other people crossing the road out of turn. Those people, like me, have probably timed their walk to the on-coming cars, but that judgment happened about two seconds before you decided to go. Guess what, those two seconds are the difference between crossing the street without bothering other drivers and being dead. If you judge your jaywalk off of other people, you will die. Or wish you were dead, because if it's me driving, I'm honking my horn at you and in all likelihood flipping you the bird. I know if you see me jaywalk you probably want to follow, because hey it's me, I'd follow me, but spare us all some unpleasantness and just admire from afar.
Also, before you jaywalk make sure there isn't something going on like a left-turn signal that you're walking in front of. If you don't, then you could be taking away someone's golden opportunity to turn left in rush hour, which can sometimes be impossible, and that someone might then fantasize about barreling you over with her Jetta.
Finally, if you are caught in a situation where you're face to bumper with a car, don't turn back, just keep going. You turning around to from whence you came means that everyone's time has been wasted. The driver's, yours and mine. Just go.
So please be conscious of your surroundings when you jaywalk because you're really making me insane.
I'm a proud graduate of THE Ohio State University and I like to say that as a Buckeye, we all are double majors. We major in whatever it is we're studying, and we're all forced to major in jaywalking. We Buckeyes have it down to a science. So let me drop some Scarlet and Gray knowledge on you.
If you are inclined to jaywalk, judge your decision to go based off of cars you see on the road, not other people crossing the road out of turn. Those people, like me, have probably timed their walk to the on-coming cars, but that judgment happened about two seconds before you decided to go. Guess what, those two seconds are the difference between crossing the street without bothering other drivers and being dead. If you judge your jaywalk off of other people, you will die. Or wish you were dead, because if it's me driving, I'm honking my horn at you and in all likelihood flipping you the bird. I know if you see me jaywalk you probably want to follow, because hey it's me, I'd follow me, but spare us all some unpleasantness and just admire from afar.
Also, before you jaywalk make sure there isn't something going on like a left-turn signal that you're walking in front of. If you don't, then you could be taking away someone's golden opportunity to turn left in rush hour, which can sometimes be impossible, and that someone might then fantasize about barreling you over with her Jetta.
Finally, if you are caught in a situation where you're face to bumper with a car, don't turn back, just keep going. You turning around to from whence you came means that everyone's time has been wasted. The driver's, yours and mine. Just go.
So please be conscious of your surroundings when you jaywalk because you're really making me insane.
Monday, July 30, 2012
How I Spent My Summer Vacation: The VA Bar Exam, Vol. I
Legally Blonde was the single most misleading movie about the legal profession ever. Not only did NONE of my female professors frequent my nail salon, but graduation day was not the glorious celebration it was portrayed as (recall Elle's squeaky "we did it!").
Graduation day for me, and for most law students meant one thing. The Bar Exam was coming up Fast. And Furious.
Bar prep classes "officially" started just a few days after graduation. However, there were advance assignments to be done. And being the perpetually nervous law student I am (was? That's weird), I did them. After all, THAT COULD BE THE ONE PIECE OF INFORMATION I RETAIN ON THE BAR.
And so summer began, and my schedule ran as such: work all day in downtown DC, fight traffic out of the city to make a 6 pm lecture that would run anywhere from 3.5 to 4 hours on the regular. Home around 10:15 to pack my lunch and dinner for the next day ( which I affectionately began referring to as my feed bag) and to pass out. This went Monday to Friday. I spent Saturdays and Sundays in my apartment, diligently making neon colored flashcards and doing practice questions.
In sum, I did not see the sun. I look like a character out of Twilight, without the inexplicable body sparkle.
When I finally did take time off work to study, my days were marked with routine precision (up at the same time, review, practice questions, repeat, until I could take no more). I'm fairly certain I wore the same pair of yoga pants for 5 days in a row.
Sleep was a struggle, especially as the Big Two Days grew nearer. I woke myself up thinking about perfecting appeals, the elements of larceny (pleasant) and who prevails in a race notice jurisdiction.
Before I knew it, it was July 23rd. My suit was packed up and I was headed to Roanoke, VA.....
Graduation day for me, and for most law students meant one thing. The Bar Exam was coming up Fast. And Furious.
Bar prep classes "officially" started just a few days after graduation. However, there were advance assignments to be done. And being the perpetually nervous law student I am (was? That's weird), I did them. After all, THAT COULD BE THE ONE PIECE OF INFORMATION I RETAIN ON THE BAR.
And so summer began, and my schedule ran as such: work all day in downtown DC, fight traffic out of the city to make a 6 pm lecture that would run anywhere from 3.5 to 4 hours on the regular. Home around 10:15 to pack my lunch and dinner for the next day ( which I affectionately began referring to as my feed bag) and to pass out. This went Monday to Friday. I spent Saturdays and Sundays in my apartment, diligently making neon colored flashcards and doing practice questions.
In sum, I did not see the sun. I look like a character out of Twilight, without the inexplicable body sparkle.
When I finally did take time off work to study, my days were marked with routine precision (up at the same time, review, practice questions, repeat, until I could take no more). I'm fairly certain I wore the same pair of yoga pants for 5 days in a row.
Sleep was a struggle, especially as the Big Two Days grew nearer. I woke myself up thinking about perfecting appeals, the elements of larceny (pleasant) and who prevails in a race notice jurisdiction.
Before I knew it, it was July 23rd. My suit was packed up and I was headed to Roanoke, VA.....
Monday, July 16, 2012
Bar Prep Has Taken Over
Hai Sugars,
Just wanted to let you know we haven't forgotten about you! JanJan is in the final week of Bar Prep (so everyone wish her luck!) and Kiki is living the big law life for a few more weeks.
We'll be back in August to discuss the following: J-walking, festival goers, Game of Thrones, people who stand too close, tourists, dating, weddings, tight clothing, shopping, and much much more.
Xoxo,
Oh Sugar Please
Just wanted to let you know we haven't forgotten about you! JanJan is in the final week of Bar Prep (so everyone wish her luck!) and Kiki is living the big law life for a few more weeks.
We'll be back in August to discuss the following: J-walking, festival goers, Game of Thrones, people who stand too close, tourists, dating, weddings, tight clothing, shopping, and much much more.
Xoxo,
Oh Sugar Please
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